This year, I have told so many amazing stories- love stories, stories of growth and pain, stories of immense joy. But my favourite story so far is my own. Just a prelim warning, this post is long and personal. You can totally skip it and just look at the pics- I won’t blame you 😉
So here goes.
2020 started off with a bang. Surrounded by some of my favourite people in one of my favourite places. The buzzing of Carnival excitement soon came and went, and all of a sudden the world changed in a way that I don’t think anyone will ever be able to comprehend.
Corona Virus.. COVID-19, the pandemic that would change the lives of so many people. March began in Trinidad with a strict lock down, days were spent in my garden shamelessly drinking rum punch / margaritas and doing Instagram Live dance classes with world famous choreographer Ryan Heffington, hey if all else failed- maybe I’d become a dancer (my dream). Alas, I didn’t become a dancer- I rebranded and built over my website from scratch.
After many months of searching for a pet friendly home (yes during a pandemic,what was I thinking?!) I moved out in August. The first night was emotional to say the least. I felt like a baby bird who, even though very ready was still terrified. I didn’t know what settings the washing machine went on, what the f is the difference between delicate and linen?! How would I function after 20something years of my mom doing everything to perfection? Thus began my semi- independence (Yes, she still came to put up curtain rods, mount paintings on my wall, change light fixtures, my dad still deals with my car troubles, reminds me about bills being paid.) But you know… I’m trying..
Micro weddings / elopements became super popular as we couldn’t have more than 10-20 people gathering at a time during various stages of the lock down. I definitely thrived with this. The less people, the better. After all, we are experiencing a pandemic, who wants to be around a ton of people?!
More and more work picked back up, unfortunately some couples postponed their weddings, some opted for church ceremonies and “big celebrations” next year. I made so many connections with new people, expats stuck in Trinidad, old friends I hadn’t seen in ages, random friends on the internet (yes people the DMs were popping off). It’s like everyone was craving any form of interaction.
2020 was a serious year of growth for myself and many. I keep making jokes that if I grow anymore I dunno what will happen. Earlier this year during one of my yoga classes, a well known teacher known for his immense wisdom said on a day I needed to hear it most something along the lines of “resisting change will only cause suffering”. I resisted changing for so long, was stuck in so many ways. If you’re not growing, you’re stagnant. Who wants to be stagnant?! I’m always moving, always thinking, always dauncing.
One of the biggest things I’ve learnt in the last year, is to be unapologetic in the way I present myself. I am who I am. I’ve worked damn hard to get here and I’m proud. I binge watched way too many episodes of RuPaul’s drag race to not learn that confidence is everything and YAS BITCH I WILL SLAYYYYYY. (snaps fingers wildly)
Someone told me recently, “You’re too much”.. If someone told me this last year, I would have probably wallowed in self pity and tried to take it down a notch.
This year though, I simply replied, “Maybe you’re not enough”.